3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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