Do you still have your period?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
