I think I just saw someone hide a body.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
