My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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