After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
