I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
