we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
