Pass out mid-funnel last night.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
