This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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