My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
