none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
