"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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