So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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