I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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