I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just pee around me
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
