I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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