i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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