my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
