I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
