when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
