Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
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