My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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