drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
