Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
