I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
