Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
