I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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