Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
