I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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