Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
