I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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