Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
