I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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