what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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