is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
