I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
