you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
