I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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