porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
