your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
