I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
