Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
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