she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
