And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
