Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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