It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
