Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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