So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
