then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
