he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
