I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
