It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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