how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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