"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
